Happy Pet Poems

We're Not Gonna Go!

Author unknown

Oh Boy! Here's the premium list for a show!
Oh no! Not that one! We're *not* gonna go!
Remember last year how we swore lose or win
That we'd never set foot on these showgrounds again?
It was hot, it was dirty...and not enough shade,
The inadequate benching was so poorly made.
The entry was lousy in bitches *and* dogs,
And they charged way too much for their bad catalogs.
The rings were so distant and located far
From the quagmire where we abandoned the car
That we nearly collapsed from having to pack
The dogs, crates and penning over and back.
And we nearly expired from hunger and thirst,
'Cause the food and drink set-up was truly the worst.
And the ring was so small and on uneven ground;
There were stickers and weeds and debris all around.
And it's too far to travel for just one old show
So throw out the entries: we're not gonna go!
We'll stay home and loaf and relax and be glad
For no bathing, nail trimming, and rushing like mad.
No hitting the road at the dawn's early light,
No dragging home beat in the still of the night.
Just think of all of the time and expense
We'll save by just using our good common sense!
However, there *is* one small thing I'll concede:
I would like to watch while they're judging our breed.
Say, I'll tell you what! Why don't we just go
As leisurely spectators viewing the show?
What a treat it will be to sit ringside with ease
And after the judging , just leave when we please.
No bother with dogs and all their regalia,
And all of the various paraphernalia.
But...as long as we'll be there, what could be wrong
With -just for fun- taking one dog along?
OK! We'll take one. But the problem is: which?
A pup? The special? A dog or a bitch?
If we took a puppy it would just be for fun
But we could sure use the points if the dog or bitch won.
We'll never decide- it's no use to stall.
Dig out the entries- We'll enter them all!
But if it turns out as bad as we fear,
We'll really and truly stay home *next* year!


BET YOU CAN'T OWN JUST ONE!

Author unknown

Why own a dog? There's a danger you know,
You can't own just one, for the craving will grow.
There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger.
While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.

One dog is no trouble, and two are so funny.
The third one is easy, the fourth one's a honey.
The fifth one delightful, the sixth one's a breeze,
You find you can live with a houseful with ease.

So how 'bout another? Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy but oh, Lord the hair!
With dogs on the sofa and dogs on the bed,
And crates in the kitchen, it's no bother you've said.

They're really no trouble, their manners are great.
What's just one more dog and just one more crate?
The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty,
The floor is all footprints, the furniture dusty.

The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few noseprints and a little more hair?
So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room,
And a little more time for the dust cloth and broom.

There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add,
The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.
Each one is so special, so useful, so funny.
The vet, the food bill grows larger, you owe money.

Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other dog folks, who all live the same way.
Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too,
But your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew.

There's dog food and vitamins, training and shots.
And entries and travel and motels which cost lots.
Is it worth it, you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?
Then that favorite dog comes and climbs in your lap.

His look says you're special and you know that you will
Keep all of the critters in spite of the bill.
Some just for showing and some just to breed.
And some just for loving, they all fill a need.

But winter's a hassle, the dogs hate it too.
But they must have their walks though they're numb and you're blue.
Late evening is awful, you scream and you shout
At the dogs on the sofa who refuse to go out.

The dogs and the dog shows, the travel, the thrills,
The work and the worry, the pressure, the bills.
The whole thing seems worth it, the dogs are your life.
They're charming and funny and offset the strife.

Your life-style has changed. Things won't be the same.
Yes, those dogs are addictive and so is the dog game!!

Author unknown

I love my dogs,
This is their home
from which I hope they'll never roam.
They're faithful friends,
I love them best.
This is their home,
you are a guest.
If dogs to you
are just a peve,
then by all means
feel free to leave.


A BIRTHDAY POEM FROM THE DOG
Author unknown

You feed me when I'm hungry,
You keep water in my dish,
You let me sleep on anything,
Or in any place I wish.

You sometimes let me lick your hands,
Or even lick your face,
Despite the fact I've licked myself,
In every private place. :-)

You taught me how to come when called,
You taught me how to sit,
You always let me go outside,
              So I can take a (.......)   stroll.

I've been with you thru oh, so much,
Thru laughter & through tears,
I hope you live to be a hundred ....

  .......(that's 700 in doggie years ;-))


DOG BREEDER'S HUSBAND

Author unknown

I'm just a dog breeder's husband,
I no longer rule my domain.
Even if kindly invited,
From opinions I wisely refrain.
I'm just a glorified kennel boy,
Of minor importance I know.
It seems that my primary function,
Is merely providing the dough.
Now dog breedings not inexpensive,
As you all are no doubt aware.
But the problems not so much the money,
As the bustle, the wear and the tear.
Having studied the layback of shoulder,
And becoming an expert on feet.
I still have not learned to give worm pills,
Or how much a puppy should eat.
My spouse will spend hours grooming,
A Bred By Exhibitor Bitch.
But when it comes to scratching my back,
Her thought is to let the thing itch.
Some summer I hope that my wife'll,
Take me wondering to some foreign vale.
Instead of inspecting the stifle,
Of some special stud at Hinsdale.
Oft in a crowded motel room,
After the dog show is o'er,
Someone questions the judges decisions,
While they reach for another drink more.
It appears that his eyesight is failing,
His errors in judgment immense.
In fact if I did not know better,
You'd doubt that he had any sense.
One finds that the amateur's bungling,
No match for professional skill.
A handler can hide what an owner admits,
As he tries hard this conscience to still.
The din and the utter confusion,
Of everyone talking at once
Leaves one weary hoarse and irascible,
And the next day a bleary-eyed dunce.
Sometimes late in the evening,
I'm asked if I do not agree
That Pottwattamie's Bridget
Is somewhat out at the knee.
But before I can answer the question,
I find my answer ignored.
For some inexplicable reason,
My questioner's suddenly bored.
I'm only a dog breeders husband,
Not that I mean to complain.
But I find certain aspects amazing,
When I aspire my role to explain.
I know at least where I am going,
I'm rapidly going to seed.
But I've learned about Winners Bitches,
I've married the Best of the Breed.



First Time at a Dog Show



First time at a dog show, I'll tell you quite plain,
I'll never, no never, go back again.
The breeder said, "Show him", when I bought my dog.
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog.

They gave me a number, they gave me a pin,
But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in.
So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear glue,
And stuck the card onto his rear in the loo.

We arrived at the ringside to find we were first,
In the pup class (this was the worst).
We marched together as fast as was able,
Arrived at the judge who said, "Up on the table".

This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight,
And I just couldn't make it, try hard as I might.
The judge looked quite worried. He said, "Listen here,
Put the dog on the table, not you, my dear".

By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool,
But I said to myself, "We'll just play it cool".
"How old", said the judge, I heard it quite clear,
Well, really, thought I . . . and said, "Thirty, next year".

The steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of fit,
He spluttered and coughed, his eyes ran a bit.
"I'd have that cough seen to," I said to him when,
He'd finally stopped . . . but started again.

"Once around the ring, dear, as fast as you can,"
Said the judge, so I just ran and ran.
But when I arrived (out of breath, I'll admit),
The judge said, "Your dog, dear", I felt such a twit.

Off round again, I kept my head bent.
Oh, the shame: my pup crouched and just went and went.
A lady came running, a bucket and spade,
With manure that spicy . . . has she got it made!

We came back to the judge, who said with a frown,
"Stand your dog". Said I, "He's not laying down".
"You can take First Place Stand", he said. I said, "HA".
What a job I had getting that stand in the car!

Taken from STC England 1993 Year Book

Dog Bottom




The dogs all had a meeting,

They came from near and far,

Some came by public transport, 

While others came by car.



But before they were allowed

To enter in the hall,

Each had to hang it's bottom

On a hook upon the wall.

 

They all got nicely seated,

Each mother's son and sire,

When a dirty little yellow dog

Began to holler "Fire!"

 

They all jumped up together,

They had no time to look,

And each one grabbed at random,

A bottom from a hook.



This got their bottoms all mixed up,

And made them very sore,

To wear another bottom

That they hadn't worn before.

 

And that's the  reason why a dog

Will even leave a bone,

To smell another bottom

In the hope to find his own!

 


The Bed Puppy


Now I lay me down to sleep,

The king-size bed is soft and deep..

I sleep right in the center groove

My human being can hardly move! 



I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight  

And here is where I pass the night          

No one disturbs me or dares intrude

Till morning comes and "I want food!"



I sneak up slowly to begin

my nibbles on my human's chin.

She wakes up quickly,

I have sharp teeth-



I'm a puppy, don't you see?

For the morning's here

and it's time to play

I always seem to get my way.



So thank you Lord for giving me

This human person that I see.

The one who hugs and holds me tight

And shares her bed with me at night!




Limericks

There once was a Crested named Harriet***************An obedience Crested is he
Who was given a cowboy-style Lariat***************WWho's long downs are something to see
She moaned and she growled**********************HHe won't put his tummy
And exclaimed to the crowd,***********************OOn mats that feel funny
"Being naked, I've no place to Carry-It!"**************HHow will he obtain his CD!

Marcia Van Woert******************************PPat Pentland

I know of a Crested named Snickers*****************OOur Crested keeps us on the run,
Who likes to give huggses and lickers.***************TTo clean up what Pepe calls fun.
She'll bounce up and down***********************WWhile no papers are spared
Oh, my, how she'll clown*************************Aand my socks can't be paired,
Resulting in twists in her knickers.*******************IIn our house he'll stay Number One.

Pat Pentland***********************************jJackie Burt

My Powderpuff's coat had a tangle******************AA handsome young hairless named Gruff
And with it, the brush had to wrangle.****************wWas besmitten by a lovely young Puff.
I hate to complain,*******************************HHe used all his charm
But knots are a pain******************************CCause her fur kept him warm
To pick out without leaving hair mangled.*************WWhen it's zero degrees, bare is tough!

Pat Pentland************************************jJan Shearon

There is a talented Puff
Who has a lovely white ruff
She so loves to sing
But it makes my ears ring
Callous old thing, she says "Tough!"

Chryste Gettman

 

A Puppy's 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Eleven unwrapped presents
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
A dozen puppy kisses
And I forgot all about the other Eleven days.


Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
Roger Caras


Please email me with any interesting pet poems you find!


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